I DEADLY YEARN MY PAST...

Do you ever miss your past? About life episodes that has gone with the time. Some life experiences that you ignored but now you miss all of that. About your stupidity, enemies, friends, special friends, ptoblems, etc.

Ah now I'm missing some of them;

• My college time, when I was absent and asked my best friend to signing my presence list.
• My college time, when I booked the strategic place to listen lecturer.
• When I was taking bus Ciputat-Bogor and took a look of Parung views. The centre of prostitution. How was the society accepting prostitussion as normal profession. When I saw kids went home from masjid with their veil and Quran and kissed their mom's hand. Their mom wore sexy dress, made up herself to wait guest.
• Reading in campus library.
• Chatting with Saiful Malook
• Eating soto mie with Widi, DJ, Irma, Dewi, and Ari. Meanwhile we were dreaming about our bright future.
• Enjoyed my absent time with Sumiyati.
• My life as a teacher in bilingual pre-school e.g. : teaching, making display, conversation on lunch, singing, managed stage performance, etc.
• Lilis (my smartest student), Dinda (my strangest student), etc...
• My school principal who paid me Rp 1,050,000 for the 1st.
• Lanny, Ardia, Ida, bu Kukun, Mbak Titin, Bu Inti all of Cordova member...
• Embassy of Pakistan's family
• Pak Dedi Budiman Hakim, my theses councelor
• KKN at BOJONG CAE ; Abang, Fian, DJ, Desi, the villagers, ustad keparat, Dicky an other teams
• My admirers
• my relatives who had passed away
• Mas Surya, someone who gave me book "The Power of Unconscious Mind".
• etc

I miss all people who had made my life wonderful and colorful....But I dont want to repeat my time. A wise lady told me, "Whatever that happens now is the best. Allah gives that because HE sure that is best for you now. So why bother?"

Yeah.........I'm enjoying my time. Alhamdulillah...

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BEHEL

Its a hot gossip. Its been almost 3 months I wear BEHEL. Do you know whats the mean of BEHEL? Its teeth hedge. Iron wire, iron bracket and colorful rubber. It is one of orthopedic treatment to tidy the teeth up. My dentist suggested me to wear behel. I have disorder teeth, due to my small jaw. First I had never consider to wear that. It costs a lot of money. The price equal to motorcycle price. And it will be another cost each month for treatment. Hem........but I consider the result after 2 years. I will have beautiful teeth. Although most of my friends said that I have no problem with my teeth. But I felt I have to do it now before late.

Yeah...my life with behel has begined. Masha ALLAH, it was hurt. The dentist should pulled 4 teeths out. And I cant eat easyly with my wire & bracket. PAINFUL. Now I'm going to realize that beauty is painful.

BEHEL is not only a treatment. But an accessories. If you meet me, you'll see that my rubber color is suitable with my dress. Hehhe......keep FUNKY. I dont feel I'm such of BETTY LAFEA. I'm getting more funky as before with my behel (NARCIST......).

See you!!!

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CATERING

Our 1st catering order on 2nd June 2007 In Bogor. It was a wedding party of Haji Roesli's daughter. Seemed he was an executive member of PPP. The guests were some important person such as Governor of Jakarta Sutiyoso, Shihab, member of legislative board, etc. After this we got other orders. Ameen.

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REST IN PEACE

Name was FANNY. She was a little girl who lived near my house. She was raised up by traditonal family called BETAWI (a native of Jakarta). Actually, her family was a land owner. But by the time after her grand pa passed away. She was just a little girl from a simple BETAWI's family. Her mom is a teacher of Islamic Private School and her dad is an employee of NGO.

Three months behind, She was lying down in hospital. Doctor team on Fatmawati Hospital (Government hospital in South Jakarta) diagnosed that she had heart attack. After a month she was treated by hospital then finally she went home. But She couldnt playing as before. She had to take a rest.

After a week, again her healthy dropped. She was sent to centre hospital (RSCM). And the doctor said, she not only had heart disease but also LEVER and LEUKIMIA. Masha ALLAH. And day by day, she had to spend her life on bed under doctor & paramedic supervised. Her family had spent a lot of money for her. But we were her neighbor also helped her financially. Her mom's student, co worker and her dad's collegues. But the money was too much expensive. And I was sure that her parents also asked some helps for loan.

FANNY got her 1st chemotherapy. But everyday, she should got medicines and special injection. The doctor said, Fanny should be treated for 20 years to get well as before. Masha ALLAH, I couldnt imagine how much money should they paid for FANNY. There was a medicine with cost 1.8 million rupiahs per cc. What about pills, tablets, injections, hospital room, infus, etc???

Few days ago, Fanny asked her parents to bring all of her pictures to hospital. She asked permission to cut all of her picture by scissor. She begged with tears. Her parents finally allowed her to cut all of her documentation. Yeah, she didnt want her family became sad when she left the world forever.

Yesterday (18th June 2007), she passed away at 3 pm. Hen I came there, I saw that she had beautiful face. I imagined her as a fairy of paradise. She looked happy entering her new life.

ALLAH called her, because HE didnt want to see her miserable any longer. May be FANNY didnt want to be burden for her family. The cost for her 3 months was too expensive, and had made her family bancrupt. What about 20 years? No........Fanny was prefer to follow her angel. She went to a better place in Jannah. She didnt want to leave any miserable anymore to her beloved family.

Bye FANNY. We will always remember how pretty, funny and smart you were. I love you. Pass my best regards to your new friends.

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LOST???

One thing that made me feel not good few weeks behind, that I was getting realize that I was going to bancruptcy. I was afraid of being miserable. But when I cried to admid that I had given up, I worried that I have been COWARD. As long as I remember, I'm a bachelor of Agribusiness. I got A for business subjects. I'd never faced difficult to answer ESSAY. But why I was empty when I had to answer the reality. Uffhhhhh..........Masha Allah.

I suddenly realize that I have been wasting 6000 US$. But what have I gotten? I got loss, valuable experiences, spirit, soul, dynamic of business flow. I'd never gotten that issues on my SUBJECTS when I was still registered as a student of Agribusiness on Bogor Agricultural University.

Thanks to KOTLER who has taught me that product, price, place, promotion are the important things that a marketer (enterpreuner) should understand. But...why we just understand without do something. Hehehe....

Thanks to my friends FITRIA MOORCY who has pushed me alot to recognize my brand image. Hahahha....and I'm sure that she still didnt understand why I just cried when answer her simple question. Hahahahha.....I was lil' bit depressed....

But wallahi, I have to keep faith due to someone has trusted me...

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SCSM on PRO 2 FM (105.1 FM)

My publisher told me to come for live interview on Radio PRO 2 FM regarding "Surat Cinta Saiful Malook". So all the readers, admires, anyone. Please stay tune on PRO 2 FM 3 June 2007 at 4.30 pm. I will be there, Insha ALLAH.

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HELLO....!!!

Its been more than a month, I didnt write something here. There were so many stories that happened. Topsy turvy, up and down, happy and sad.

Its all about business progress. Finally I got catering order for wedding party, after long time lost hopes. I hope this is good sign for my progress.

Even this week, I almost worried cant pay my employees. I had no cash money. Almost money has been investing to equipments for my new cafe. Even, there is still some that I havent bought. Wuahhh........its really hard.

I met with Indian who has Indian Vegetarian Resto in Sarinah Thamrin. He is interested to order our vegetarian Kebab. Do you know how I made that Kebab? I just mixed all spices and vegetables with feeling then praying, "I hope it will not kill them" ahhahah. But I did it. They said, "Its delicious". WUahhhhh how glad were I?

But I got bad accident on my hand due to cooking. Both of my had got burn. Hikkkk...........I wish the fruits of my sacrifice will not useless. Insha ALLAH...But Insha ALLAH I'll keep fight.

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VENI-VIDI-VICI

Its been almost 2 months, I established ALIBABA KEBAB. But unfortunately it hasnt been ran well as I predicted before.I havent seen the good progress. The omzet is still low. Yeah, I admitted that last month there was mismanagement. One of my employee cheated. But I had fired him. There was so many mistakes that he had done. And I think I dont need to clarify here. But his biggest mistakes was there was a mount of money that gone with the wind. He was reckleshly enough. I saw that by myself. He put the money not in properly place. And He also marked up the cost of raw material.

Now, I'm trying hard to wake up from long sleep. The business must run. I responsible to return a lot of money and my employees life. They are poor people, and I know well how they need that job. Thats why I have to keep striving. May be if the business stop, I still can feed up my self. But what about them???

I know someday I will winning this game business.

May be I will move one of my outlet to nearest my house. There I will focus to expand business. I will offer various menu, including of SISHA/HOOKAH (Traditional Arabian Cigarettes). May be I'll give eye catching name for my Arabian Street Cafe. There are some optional names;

• CAFE ARAB (ARABIAN CAFE)
• WARUNG ARAB ALIBABA
• WARUNG SISHA
• JASMINE CAFE (Jasmine is my character in novel SURAT CINTA SAIFUL MALOOK. And I also love Jasmine flower)
• WARUNG ARAB GILA

VENI...VIDI...VICI

Veni, vidi, vici (IPA /weːniː wiːdiː wiːkiː/ or /veni vidi viʧi/) is a famous Latin phrase coined by Roman general and consul Julius Caesar in 47 BC; Caesar used the phrase as the full text of his message to the Roman senate describing his recent victory over Pharnaces II of Pontus in the Battle of Zela. Caesar's terse remark -- translated as "I came, I saw, I conquered", or even "came, saw, conquered" -- simultaneously proclaimed the totality of his victory and served to remind the senate of Caesar's military prowess (Caesar was still in the midst of a civil war); alternatively, the remark can be viewed as an expression of Caesar's contempt for the patrician senate, traditionally representing the most powerful group in the Roman Republic.

I have decided to do this business, I have started and I will never stop before winning this business. Here I come. I will success. Insha ALLAH.

"YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK ALL DAY LONG"

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DONT SAY LOVE!!!

DONT SAY LOVE, IF YOU ARE NOT READY ENOUGH TO COMMIT WHAT HAVE YOU SAID.
You gonna hurt someone else that thought it was trully.
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You should know

When you felt tired and hopeless although you had tried best..
Allah SWT knew how you had tried hard.

When you had cried all day long but you were still sad...
Allah SWT had counted your tears.

When you thought that you were waiting for something and you felt the time so long...
Allah SWT had been waiting with you.

When you felt alone and your friends too busy with their activities...
Allah SWT would be always beside you.

When you thought you had tried everything and you were stuck, didnt know what should you do next.
Allah SWT had the answers.

When everything became irrational and felt deppresed...
Allah SWT could make you secure.

WHen suddenly you could see the way out of your lost expectation

Allah SWT had been whispering to you.

When everything was going smoothly and you would like to thankful to ALLAH.
Allah SWT had blessed you.

When beautiful moment happened and you were amazing...
Allah SWT had been smiling to you.

When you had goals to be reached and dreams to be achieved...
Allah SWT had opened your eyes and called your name.

Remember wherever you are...
Allah SWT KNOWS .......

FromAbdullah bin 'Amr r.a., Rasulullah s.a.w. said, "Convey my messages although only one ayah"

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WHEN ALLAH BECAME THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON

Friends, when ALLAH became the most important reason. So I dared to decide to marry and speed up my marriage planning.

when ALLAH became the most important reason, then I dared to determine with who I'll marry. I would not often to ask about my prospective spouse. I accepted him warmly for the sake of Allah. And one certain matter that I did not go along interfere in or arranged anything that became Allah's affair.So I would only accept trully proposal from someone who dedicated his life for ALLAH. As long he was a good moslem, although He was ugly, old, poor, uneducated or another 'dunya's reasons' I would accept him with Allah's guidances.That's all.

When ALLAH became the most important reason, then I would try as hard as possible to not see all lacks of my husband. And I tried as hard as possible also to make him happy with me.

When ALLAH became the most important reason, then dripped my tears when seeing all kindness and my husband's surplus. that it seems was difficult to be competed with by me.

when ALLAH became the most important reason, I prayed, "Yaa Allah, please made him, an imam, husband and the good father for my kids. And just requested him to be my partner in dunya and akhirat"

Friends, if Allah became the reason was most important to marry, then necessarily did not have again the term, searched the suitable match, that was ideal, that was moving our heart, that pacified the spirit, and bla-bla . Because all of that just emerged precisely after passing the level of marriage. Just do nikah with for the sake of Allah and must be convinced to The greatest determiners all of them.

Notes: Akhi wa ukhti dont be confused with your choice. No body is perfect.

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LOVE

Does your palms sweat?

Does your heart beat fast?

Are you spechless when you meet her/him?

That is not LOVE but LIKE

Your hand cant stop to touch her/him?

That is not LOVE but LUST

Are you proud to her/him? And always passionately show up to everybody?

That is not LOVE but LUCKY

Do you want her/him due to you know that He/She will be always beside you?

That is not LOVE but LONELY

Do you still with her/him because of everybody wants it?

That is not LOVE but LOYALTY

Do you accept her/his love's statement because you dont want to hurt her/him?

That is not LOVE but MERCY

Are you ready to give all things that you like to her/him?

That is not LOVE but GENEROUSITY

Do you still stand by her/him with the mixed up between painful and joy that cant be described and very blindful?

That is LOVE

Do you still accept her/his mistakes, due to that is a part of her/his personality?

That is LOVE

Do you interested to someoneelse but still stand by her/him loyally?

That is LOVE

Are you willing to give your heart, life and death to her/him?

That is LOVE

Are you terribly sad when she/he is sad?

That is LOVE

Does her/his eyes look at your real heart and touch your deepest soul till you feel pain?

That is LOVE

Now, if we know that love is painful and hurt us, why do we still love her/him?

This painful.... miserable???

Why should we find and want it all?

Because this suffering is a death of our egoism.

Why?

That is due to LOVE

P.S.

What is your feeling beloved?

I love you for the sake of Allah

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I COULDNT ACCESS MY YAHOO MAIL

Its been a week, I couldnt access my yahoo mail. It really makes me in terribly BAD MOOD. I couldnt checked my mail. I've tried all, even I converted my yahoo from Indonesia to US. But its not working. May be yahoo in crowded traffic now. I just got the explanation from yahoo :

Sorry for the inconvenience.

You've stumbled upon a temporary problem we're having with Yahoo! Mail. Usually this problem gets resolved quickly, without you doing a thing. In fact it may be taken care of now.

• Try pressing the Reload or Refresh button on your browser, or logging out than back into your Yahoo! account. Hopefully that will take care of things.

If that doesn't fix the problem, please be patient while we sort it out and try again shortly. The fact that you're reading this page means we've been automatically notified of the issue, and chances are we're working on it now.

• If you think you've been more than patient and tried the tricks above, feel free to contact Customer Care about Error Code 1.

Thanks,

The Yahoo! Mail Team

Hik...hik...hik... for all of my relations, publisher, admirers, readers,bankers, enemies, etc. I apologize cant respond you asap. Will get in touch with all of you from this sites.

P.S. I hate YAHOO
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LETTER FOR MY FUTURE HUBBY...

Assalamualaikum wr wb.......

How are you going, my future hubby?

How's your family?

How's your business? Job?

Hope we always be fine and be in Allah's protection.

Although i never met nor saw your face before, but as Savage Garden songs "I Knew I love You before I met you"

and like western people always say, "others might catch my eyes, but you caught my heart", indeed you have won my heart thoroughly.

My future hubby, are you waiting me?

Waiting can be bored for some people, but not for me.

Waiting... only few people consider it as a special thing and for me, waiting is special moment indeed. While waiting you here....many useful things can be done like reading, writing, light discussion, or other good things.

The most beautiful god creature...dont bet your life just because you are exhausted in waiting and finding me, moreover only for marriage.

Because marriage is not built in a moment but can be shattered in a second.

Marriage gate is something which is sacred and holy therefore we need to enter it with a pure, sincere and honest heart oneday.

Once you're there, Allah will dislike if there's someone who's trying to go out from it. Please fill your days with prayers to Allah, ask only direction from Him, pray for me in your night pray and i will also pray for you in, my dearest future hubby.

My future hubby, Perhaps my past wasnt like other ukhtis you know, and you might already heard about my stories that are likely to be erased from my mind.

Therefore, i dont wanna hide my past from you, i'll let you know all about me so the communication between us will be clear.

Also, easier for you to accept me in just the way i am and the other way around.

My future hubby, Some of my relatives had asked me about you. Even they didnt ask any detail but i could notice that they asked me who's my future hubby and how he looks like, and i know that it is you.

Their questions have been answered simply by my smile as i want to make a surprise one day. Yes, they will likely to be surprised knowing that there will be a guardian angel who's gonna live with them. I cant hardly wait to see their surprised faces one day....yeah one day, my half-holy soul.......

While waiting the time arrive, i'll do self-introspection before taking step to go through the life with you, my future companion angel. So that i will be a good person in front of God and your heart, and i will be proper as your beloved wife and mother for our future little angels.

You must ever heard surah An Nur, verse 26 which states that "a good man is for a good woman and a good woman is for a good man". i wanna be this kind of woman so i'll be proper to accompany you someday till the end of the world. If till this time Allah havent united us, i'm sure it's just because im not ready good enough for you right now. I wanna be a good and the only woman for you because im sure you are the best man for me and Allah's choice will never be wrong.

My future hubby, I will waiting you till you come to knock my heart oneday, but maybe not now. Because this journey is still long, many problems should be faced. My heart sings in the rhythm of thought as if nothing remain even a second. Anxious cant be avoided. About a flash of shadow, about a piece of future.

My future hubby, I know you're missing me, be patient, a wonderful times will come for us, when we will be united in a beautiful holy marriage tie. How are you there? Are you tired finding me? Are you exhausted searching for me there? Just be patient and keep your faith. I will wait, welcoming you with an open arms and and the sweetest smile in my beautiful gown. When the time is come, wear that crown and run to me as you see me. There are lot things i have to find to bring happiness for our life. Pray for me my holy soul, and be patient to find me here...

I promise will wait you.........from now on, my dearest love......

wassalamualaikum wr wb

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Questions to Ask a Prospective Marriage Partner

Derived from Bent Rib: A Journey through Women’s issues in Islam

by Huda al-Khattab. Compiled by Chloe Chaudhry

The following questions are offered in the interest of helping Muslims to think through issues important to marriage. You may wish to ask these questions when you’re considering someone for marriage, either of them or just of yourself.

You may also wish to ask them of an intermediary, who may be able to provide you an unbiased perspective.

Some of the questions may seem "unIslamic", but they deal with the reality of today's social situation, and NOT asking a question may ultimately prove to be a bigger mistake than asking it.

GENERAL QUESTIONS:

• Why are you interested in marrying at this time?
• How would you describe yourself?
• What do you consider your greatest achievement to date?
• Describe three experiences you’ve had that you’ve benefited/learned from.
• What has been the hardest obstacle you’ve faced thus far in life? How has it affected you?
• If there was one thing you would like to change about yourself, what would it be?
• What are your goals for this life? What would you like to accomplish before you die?
• What are you looking for in a spouse?

DECIDING WHETHER TO MARRY:

• What role do you think parents should play in helping to select your spouse?
• What process do you want to use to determine whether you have found the right spouse? Phone? E-mail? Chaperoned or unchaperoned in person? How much time do you want to decide?

DEEN (ISLAMIC LIFESTYLE):

• What do you do to feel close to Allah (swt)?
• How to you hope to get closer to Allah (swt) through marriage?
• What do you want to improve about yourself Islamically?
• How many times per day do you pray? What about while at work?
• How much Qur’an have you memorized?
• To what extent are you involved in the Islamic community?
• Do you fast during Ramadan?
• How do you determine how to distribute Zakat? How do you give in Sadaqa?
• Have you been on Hajj or Umrah? When would you like to go?
• Are you affiliated with a particular masjid or Islamic group?
• How important do you think it is to only eat Halal meat?
• How important do you think it is for women to wear hijab? What about men?
• How do you like to celebrate religious holidays?
• Do you go for jummah prayers?

LIVING AS A MUSLIM MINORITY:

• Do you have non-Muslim friends?
• What do you think Muslims should do on American holidays?

EXTENDED FAMILY:

• What do you think parents/extended family’s role should be in making important decisions: wedding planning, child rearing, vacations, where you will live?
• What do you do if there is a conflict between your spouse and your family?
• Are you comfortable living with extended family, particularly as they age? Are other accomodations possible?
• How much time do you anticipate spending with your extended family, in person or by phone?
• Would you describe the character of your family members?
• What have you learned from observing your family that you do or do not want to incorporate into your marriage?

PROFESSION:

• What career path do you plan on taking?
• Will both husband and wife work outside the home?
• Under what conditions would you be willing to move to further your or your spouse’s professional growth?
• How much time do you spend at work?
• How do you plan to balance time at work and time with the family?
• What kind of business functions will you ask each other to host/attend?
• Would you encourage/support the idea of me going back to school for advanced degrees?
• How would we support ourselves if we both had to be in school?

INTERESTS/ACTIVITIES:

• How do you like to spend your free time?
• How much time do you spend watching TV?
• What interests would you like to share with your spouse?
• How much time alone would you like to have?
• How do you feel about separate vacations? Business trips? Conferences?

SOCIAL LIFE:

• How much time do you want to spend with friends? By yourself? As a couple?
• How would you feel about your spouse having friends of the opposite gender?

WHERE TO LIVE:

• Where do you want to live? Why?
• Will you want to live near your extended family?
• Do you prefer city? Suburb? Countryside?
• Do you want to live in the U.S. or abroad?
• How important is it to live in a large Muslim community?

CHILDREN:

• How many children do you want to have?
• When do you think you’ll be ready to have children?
• How will you distribute responsibility for child rearing? Diapering?
• What do you think it is important to teach children?
• What is your view on raising children? Do you spank?
• To what extent would you be willing to utilize family members, friends, baby sitters or day are to watch your children?
• How will you ensure your children have a good Islamic education?
• What would you do if you could not have children?
• Do you want your children to grow up bilingual? In what languages?

MONEY:

• How many personal savings/checking accounts would you want?
• Who should be responsible for paying bills?
• What about prior assets?
• How will you determine how much should be spent on the household? On personal items? On charity?
• How much should either person be able to spend by themselves without consulting the other?
• How much should be paid out in maher (dowry)? Up front versus deferred?
• If we were on an uncomfortably tight budget, and your brother asked you for a generous loan for a third attempt at a start-up when the first two had failed, would you give it to him?
• What would be your top five criteria for developing a financial plan?

LAST NAMES:

• Should the wife change her last name?
• What last name should the children carry?

HOUSE:

• How do you feel about cleanliness, neatness and housework?
• How do you feel about knickknacks and artwork?
• Who is responsible for work around the house?
• What are the household chores you are used to doing?
• Have you ever lived alone? Have you ever had a roommate? Have you always lived with your parents?
• How do you feel about pets?
• What are your preferences in terms of food? Mostly from your own ethnic group, or a more diverse palate? Only home-made, or also convenience or from restaurants? Meat or vegetarian?
• If we were both working and we both got home about the same time, would you expect the wife to always be the cook?
• How do you feel about smoking?

DIFFERENCES:

• What are your pet peeves?
• How should disagreements be resolved?
• How do you act when you get upset?
• How would you go about making you spouse happy when s/he was feeling down?
• What would you want your spouse to do if you disagreed about something?
• What if the disagreement is over an interpretation of Islam?
• Who would be your choice of arbiters, or how do you feel about arbitration?
• How do you feel about marriage counseling?
  

MONOGAMY/FIDELITY/HONESTY:

• What are your views?
• What is your experience with families with a second wife?
• Will infidelity automatically end the marriage?

CULTURE:

• What role does culture play in your life?

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I lost my dreams...

Wallahi, I'm in sadness.

I lost my dreams...

The book cant energizes me anymore.

Ya Allah, let me out from this complicated situation.

I'm tired

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To my beloved companion in Jannah...

Beloved, are you the one who has written in our destiny that we'll combine in Jannah (=paradise)?

What have you done to build our beautiful palace in Jannah?

What have you prepared for our everlasting life in Jannah?

I love you for the sake of Allah

Here I also try to be better.

Although I'm not completely perfect as a moslemah, but Insha Allah I'll keep striving.

Although, dunya (=world) always attempt me to do bad.

But my love to you will energizes me to strive in Allah's pathway.

I miss you alot.

Will we meet in Jannah?

When do we meet?

Oh, beloved help me please!

Take me out from this crazy world!

Pray for me!

Energize my days with your eeman.

Lead me to walk in Allah's ways.

Never leave me alone in the dark.

Because I really want to see you in Jannah.

We'll love on each other in Jannah.

Raise our jundillah in our palace in Jannah.

Oh beloved, have you prepared it yet?

Ya Allah, am I suitable for a beloved companion in Jannah?

Wallahu'alam bisshawab.

P.S. If your chosen prince never come in the world, dont worry He has been waiting for you in Jannah. He will never hurt you. Because He is well-preserved for a moslemah who strive.

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The Journey almost over...

The journey almost over. When the time's up, I hope I have done what should I do.

Ya Allah, Insha Allah I'm ready to return to you. If its better than I live longer but I'll be useless and only add sins.

Its gonna be a quarter of century. But my biggest dream has not been reaching. Hik...hik...hik...

It really makes me stress.

Ya ALLAH, what do you want from me?

Please let me know!!!

I almost going ashtray.

The most stupid is I again expecting something...

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APA KABAR CINTA?

Apa kabar (=How are you? or hows?) Cinta (=love)

Apa kabar Cinta? Does it still stay in our heart?

What kind of love that you have? If you love someone or something not for the sake of Allah, obviously you'll get dissapointed. Love to something or someone is not everlasting as we love for the sake of Allah.

Example:

You were mad in love with someone pretty. She was so beautiful & sexy . You thought she was the most wonderful miracle in the world. Then you considered to marry her. Yeah, at the 1st year may be you were the most happiness person in the world. Even, when she gave birth until 2nd child. She was still a perfect lady. But obviously, by the time age will killed her young. The girl who was so beautiful, sexy, kind became contradiction. She is not beautiful or sexy anymore, due to she is become older now. She is not a girl who you loved before. Due to you loved and married her for phisically reasons. So when all of that has dissapeared, so your love will dissapeared also. No more love. And you become dissapointed because she is not the one who you loved. She is definitely different from 20years ago.

Or you were loving someone rich. He heredited his parent dinasty, with a lot of business. Many luxury cars and deposited banks. bla...bla ...bla...And then you married him for that reasons. After 5 years marriages, you faced something bad. Your husband bancrupted. No more deposited money in the bank. All cars has been sold. Bank has taken all of your husband business. Is there still any love???

I dont think so, because you love him for material reasons. After he lost all the attractive things. So you leave him in sadness.

How a pity you who love someone for that stupid reasons!

Life is too short to have fun only.

Why dont we love someone by some reasons that will remind us about ALLAH. That someday we'll return to ALLAH and we need a partner to keep striving in Allah's way. And you request from Allah, the chosen prince who'll accompany you to strive. And when Allah's has given him/her, you love him/her for the sake of Allah You love him/her just because you sure that he/she is someone special. He/she is too speacial to accompany you pass this 'dunya' (=world) to 'jannah' (=paradise).

Insha Allah, you'll not get dissapointed.

"Love is unconditional and marriage is not". Whats the mean of love is unconditional? Does it means you love someone without any condition? You just love him/her and you will not ask more. You'll not ask for long term relationship in marriage. Because marriage will need alot of commitments, paperworks, costs a lot of money, etc. They enjoy their love without marriage. Love just love, no responsibilities. Even some of decide to keep staying outside marriage. Living together without marriage, based on mutualism. Or they do marriage but without paperwork. And ofcourse they do as what husband-wife do. They have babies. But they keep avoiding marriage. They dont believe marriage. As long they love on each other, they will live happily in that relationship. Because they consider love is unconditional.

I dissagree with this sentences. Because as a moslemah, it will be my pride if someone loves me and only propose me for marriage. He only wants to dedicate his special love for me only in blessing relationship. He is ready to sacrifice his private life to commit with his wife only. He is ready to provide all that his wife needs. For him commitments, paperworks, etc are the easy things to fulfill.

"Love in marriage is unconditional"

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ALLAH's GUIDANCES

Do you know that every doubtful that emerges from your deepest heart regard issues is one of Allah's guidances to you.

But unfortunately, sometimes we are fully deaf, blind, and dont use our heart to catch the guidances.

For example:

You love someone much till you cant use your logical mind to stop loving him/her. Even you always imagine, 'How could you live without him/her'.

When you are falling in love, all the things on your lover are the best thing for you.

Okey, let see He/She really a good person (according to people's consideration). And then you request to ALLAH for him/her. All day long you cryly beg to ALLAH to let you combine with your lover.

You pray, "If He/She is the best for me, please let us combine. If He/She is not the best for me, please remove all feeling in my mind! But I think He/She is the best for me. He/She is the only one who has stolen my heart by his/her attitudes. He/She is a pious and He/She has every people want to. Please Allah, let us combine!"

All the time you pray the same request about your lover. You trust that Allah knows the best, but how a pity you are that now you are really falling in love with that guy/girl. So you also try to request him/her from ALLAH due to some reasons.

And then........TARRAM!!! You get it as you expected. But, why the relationship so hard. Tearful and laughing comes together along the love story. Sometimes you really hard to accept the consequences but you keep faith with the relationship. DOnt care how hard is it. And then its really getting hard, you try hard to collecting a piece of strength to wake up. And then its really getting worse from you expected before. Then you really give up and back to ALLAH.

You pray, "Ya ALLAH, please let me out from this if He/She is really not good for me!Please give me the signs of that!"

And I can understand what ALLAH will says, "My slaver, I've warned you by a lot of SIGNS. Why dont you aware?"

Oh, how pity you are!!!

And then how we learn to be aware of ALLAH's guidance? Hem......much praying and better not have affair outside marriage. Do ISTIKHARAH when you ready to marry! But again dont be cheating on ISTIKHARAH!

How could you trust that Allah's decision is the best, but you keep forcing ALLAH to give according to your favour???

Now the question is, ARE YOU REALLY WANT TO REQUEST ALLAH's GUIDANCES???

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